Whether people admit it or not, everyone covers. Covering means to tone down a disfavored identity in order to fit in. Most people probably cover everyday without even realizing, because it comes so naturally. In Kenji Yoshno’s writing “Preface” he states, “Nonetheless, being deemed mainstream is still often necessity of social life. ” He then continues on and says. “I doubt any of these people covered willingly.” Both of these quotes go hand in hand with one another. The first quote gives insight as to why most people resort to covering. The second quote emphasizes that most people are not covering because they want to, but because they have to. We live in a world where people feel the need to hide who they truly are in order to fit in with our society. Furthermore, covering is something that has been going on for quite some time. People are forced to hide who they really are, sometimes without realizing they’re doing it. Covering has become a social norm that takes away from an individuals authenticity.
There is no shame in using the false self. A false self is described as being a “mask” that you put on in order to hid your true self which is the self that gives an individual the feeling of being real. Many people believe that having a false self is a bad thing because it hides a persons true individuality. Personally I can say that I have a false self. I have two jobs I work at the Barron Center in Portland, ME and at Walgreens as a pharmacy technician in Gray, ME. Both of these jobs required an interview. In order to get any job, the interviewers must believe that you are professional. To show that I can be professional in a work environment I use my false self. At home I can be very crazy and outgoing, but at work I must be quiet and polite. My true self and false self work hand in hand and is a necessary part of my success.
Shame is nothing to be ashamed of. In hallward’s speech, she dives into the topic of shame and why so many people feel that sharing their story of shame is “bad.” Shame is a very painful feeling and is often a topic that many of us do not like to discuss. Hallward states, “So another way of thinking about this is that shame is at the heart of our suffering, and if we go to it at it’s heart of our healing, especially if we can bring it out, bring it out where it’s light where we can share it with other people. And it becomes ultimately a force of social change.” This quote was referring to people who are gay coming out of the closet. Overtime it has shown those who are afraid of coming out because they feel shame, actually create a domino effect. If one person is able to come out and say who they really are, it then shows everyone else that it is in fact okay to be who you are and not be scared of what others are going to say or think. Shame is something that we have all felt before, and instead of hiding this feeling of shame, we should talk about it allowing others to follow in their footsteps.
Sharing our stories of shame is an act of courage and generosity. People are prone to hide what they are feeling shameful about because they do not want to seem like a bad person. In Hallward’s speech she shares a story of when she truly felt shame. “He couldn’t help himself. He would just bite his hands so hard…and it just pained me so much to see him, and I would just pray for him to die.” This quote is referring to a story that Hallward shared to a group of doctors about her father who was diagnosed with dementia. She goes on to talk about how relieved she felt that she finally shared her story but at the same time she felt scared. She was scared of what the audience was going to think of her because she just told them that she wished death on her father. Contrary to her belief, doctors from the audience began to reach out and tell her that they too experienced a similar situation. They empathized and connected with Hallward’s time of shame and thanked her for being brave enough to share her story. What Hallward did was an act of kindness. In sharing her story, she allowed so many others to finally come to peace with their shame rather than dwelling on the fact that they thought they were a bad person.
